The pressure of thinking outside the box for my own suggested topic is actually a lot bigger than I thought. The thing is, when I recommended it, I had this idea that 2017 summer was going to be so great and I was able to pick movies that stood out and be like, these here are great summer blockbusters! But that didn’t turn out well at all and this summer has been a bore, no offence summer! So I instead was inspired by failure for this list (isn’t that nice) – so here is a list of non-recommendations of 2017 summer releases that ARE NOTHING like summer blockbusters.
1. THE HOUSE (2017)
Released at the end of June, The House features two very funny people, Will Farrell and Amy Poehler, but does everything wrong otherwise. It’s a comedy, which takes place during summer, and it features two very immature adults doing very weird and illegal things. It’s supposedly wants us to root for two parents who have no savings to support their very smart daughter’s college education and decide to run an illegal casino. And start chopping off fingers. And, in the end, they’re one big happy family. This movie didn’t deserve to be a summer blockbuster and it wasn’t!
2. THE MUMMY (2017)
If you thought this list was going to be bad, oh well, you just wait, 2017 has like a lot of good choices for bad blockbusters. The Mummy for instance, is a prime example how studios want to make franchises happen, because the more the merrier, right? And let’s take something that has already been done, and done better I might add, and make it darker and let’s fill it with Tom Cruise stunts. What do you have? A mess that isn’t interesting nor thrilling, but does have few good visuals at times. The sad thing is, this movie misses the whole point of the original Mummy franchise – which was to have fun! And even though both movies made kind of the same amount of money, 1999’s Mummy made that happen with a lot less cash, and a lot more humour. I bet 1999’s Mummy would have made a lot more this summer too, because it would have been smack middle in unfunny comedies and bad movies.
3. ONCE UPON A TIME IN VENICE (2017)
What is wrong with 2017 summer, guys? I don’t even know, and I’ve avoided quite a lot of bad movies to begin with. For instance, I’m never ever going to see The Emoji Movie, and this would top this list by a mile. But I did see Bruce Willis’ lighter version of John Wick?, which was a really bad movie. Like, it wasn’t just bad for how it came across but how it was made. It had no plot, it wasted Jason Momoa’s potential, and not to mention, John Goodman’s skills! And not going to lie, I like Bruce!, so it was especially sad to see him in this one. Just boring, and bad, very very boring and very bad!
4. BAYWATCH (2017)
The Rock needs to chill down, take a breather, and think about his choices for a moment because he is not doing so well. He does promote his movies well, and he really roots for himself, gives himself pats on the back and everything, but he hasn’t really manage to put out a decent comedy. Baywatch this summer could have been it, it should have been THE comedy of the year, but instead, it flopped and it made me question my life choices. It had one funny scene, and it was in the beginning, and then the movie simply derailed so off the tracks that I was literally begging for Zac Efron to stay in drag longer because I then could have at least laughed at his appearance. But no, even beaches and boobs didn’t save Baywatch, so no summer blockbuster joy for this one!
THIS SERIES IS CREATED BY WANDERING THROUGH THE SHELVES