Fifty Shades Darker (2017)

“Watch the sequel, you know you want to!!

“I don’t think we should continue with this relationship, honestly, I almost didn’t make it out alive the last time!”

“No, it will be different this time.”

“But last time, I really hated you, like, you made me feel very bad about myself and you were getting off on making me cringe in pain and all that awfulness on screen. We won’t work!”

“But I need you to watch me! I have beards now! I have two stalkers! I’ll show some man-ass, you’ll love it! I swear, watch me!!”

“Alright… but no funny business this time! You will be better, and more mature and you won’t make me cry in pain because seriously, Fifty Shades, last time, I was crying because you were spanking me in all the wrong ways…”

“I promise, I’ll change, I’ll be better.. I promise!”

…5 minutes into the movie…

“OH CAMON!!!!”

Continue reading “Fifty Shades Darker (2017)”

xXx: Return of Xander Cage (2017)

xxx-return-of-xander-cageAt no point before, during nor after, did I think anything about the xXx: Return of Xander Cage was a good idea. Me going to see it was simply an act of spontaneous Monday evening plans and nothing else being on screen that I hadn’t seen (or my flatmate hadn’t seen). It was a fluke and every fibre of my being regrets everything about that day and this stupid ass movie.

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Sing Street (2016)

sing-streetSing Street was the second movie I saw in 2017 and I fell in love with its music oriented love story, self discovery and coming of age plot set in the 80’s. There are a few well known actors, yet all the main characters are unknown teenagers who did an amazing job at capturing the spirit of the youth and the magic of music.

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The Accountant (2016)

the-accountantImagine my surprise when I walked out of The Accountant and I had only positive things circling my mind!? Because despite the promising trailer, and the premise, I was so certain the movie was going to step into the well known action thriller hole of clichés. Yet, The Accountant kept it fresh right until the end, surprising me with an unconventional final act, that deserves some praise on its own. Continue reading “The Accountant (2016)”

Split (2016)

splitreviewI recommend turning around in case you have not seen Split, because I’m going to spit out spoilers around every corner. It’s going to happen. I can not not do it without spoilers. So go ahead, leave now before I ruin the fundamental key element of cinematic brilliance that Split just created to every movie lover out there!

Seriously, I truly hope you have seen Split in case you’re going to continue because this is going to start off with a spoiler ….

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