“Watch the sequel, you know you want to!!
“I don’t think we should continue with this relationship, honestly, I almost didn’t make it out alive the last time!”
“No, it will be different this time.”
“But last time, I really hated you, like, you made me feel very bad about myself and you were getting off on making me cringe in pain and all that awfulness on screen. We won’t work!”
“But I need you to watch me! I have beards now! I have two stalkers! I’ll show some man-ass, you’ll love it! I swear, watch me!!”
“Alright… but no funny business this time! You will be better, and more mature and you won’t make me cry in pain because seriously, Fifty Shades, last time, I was crying because you were spanking me in all the wrong ways…”
“I promise, I’ll change, I’ll be better.. I promise!”
…5 minutes into the movie…