Fifty Shades Darker (2017)

“Watch the sequel, you know you want to!!

“I don’t think we should continue with this relationship, honestly, I almost didn’t make it out alive the last time!”

“No, it will be different this time.”

“But last time, I really hated you, like, you made me feel very bad about myself and you were getting off on making me cringe in pain and all that awfulness on screen. We won’t work!”

“But I need you to watch me! I have beards now! I have two stalkers! I’ll show some man-ass, you’ll love it! I swear, watch me!!”

“Alright… but no funny business this time! You will be better, and more mature and you won’t make me cry in pain because seriously, Fifty Shades, last time, I was crying because you were spanking me in all the wrong ways…”

“I promise, I’ll change, I’ll be better.. I promise!”

…5 minutes into the movie…

“OH CAMON!!!!”

Continue reading “Fifty Shades Darker (2017)”

xXx: Return of Xander Cage (2017)

xxx-return-of-xander-cageAt no point before, during nor after, did I think anything about the xXx: Return of Xander Cage was a good idea. Me going to see it was simply an act of spontaneous Monday evening plans and nothing else being on screen that I hadn’t seen (or my flatmate hadn’t seen). It was a fluke and every fibre of my being regrets everything about that day and this stupid ass movie.

Continue reading “xXx: Return of Xander Cage (2017)”

The Accountant (2016)

the-accountantImagine my surprise when I walked out of The Accountant and I had only positive things circling my mind!? Because despite the promising trailer, and the premise, I was so certain the movie was going to step into the well known action thriller hole of clichés. Yet, The Accountant kept it fresh right until the end, surprising me with an unconventional final act, that deserves some praise on its own. Continue reading “The Accountant (2016)”

Nocturnal Animals (2016)

nocturnal-animals-2016Revenge is a word that has become very violent. We see revenge movies with guns, bombs and the main character just straight up killing everyone. Nocturnal Animals, on the other hand, is more a subtle and a more refined revenge movie, filled with strong emotions around every corner.

Continue reading “Nocturnal Animals (2016)”

Arrival (2016)

arrivalLet me just sit here and contemplate on how wonderfully insightful a movie about aliens could be. How it could ask difficult questions, how it can educate and teach us about the importance of language and science without making it too futuristic. Let me just sit here for a moment before I manage to put Arrival into words that would perfectly reflect my state of awe.

Continue reading “Arrival (2016)”